Tag Archives: self-care

why are we all distracting so much

Why Are We Distracting?

The Real Reason so Many of Use Distractions to Escape

Yet again, I’ve found myself sitting in condemnation for a bad month of working out.

The last couple of weeks my family and I have welcomed out-of-town guests to stay with us, we’ve traveled to other cities for baseball tournaments, and we’ve attended afterschool activities that have lasted well into the night.

Simply put, we’ve worn ourselves to a frazzle.

Many people struggle with overeating.

I am one of them.

My overeating started at fourteen years old, and, off and on, it’s been happening ever since.

I masked it for years because my metabolism was excellent. I could ram my car into a McDonald’s and not gain weight.

But then, a few years after my hysterectomy, losing weight felt impossible. It seemed as if I’d gained thirty pounds over night, and most of it had gone to my belly.

man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart

I tried keto. I tried WW. I tried counting calories and clean eating.

Intermittent fasting was going to save me, then back to WW I crawled.

I might lose five, maybe even ten pounds, but every single time, I gained it all back.

My dieting spun like a yo-yo, and I couldn’t keep up.

Nor did I understand why I was shoving food into my mouth to begin with. At that time, I didn’t know what distractions were or what it meant to use food, alcohol, sex or any other addiction to escape from reality.

But one year, after a particularly crappy few months and a string of bad hangovers, I made the connection that my bad nights of drinking only occurred when there was something negative happening in my life.

I could go out with friends and have a blast with no regrets when times were good. But when times were bad, wow. Watch out.

Likewise, my eating seemed to follow a similar pattern. Even if I never ate the “perfect” foods, I still didn’t struggle with overeating in goods time nearly as much as I did when times were rough.

I’d heard the terms distracting/escaping, and I realized that, yes, this was me.

But how do you pinpoint why you’re distracting? And why does it seem like so many of us are?

I have a theory, and I’m going to share it with you here.

Many thousands of years ago, we were wanderers. We hunted, we gathered, we traveled, we rested.

Issues like distraction and escape were overshadowed by necessities like surviving and finding food that wouldn’t kill you.

Years and years later, people began to settle. They built cities and opened businesses and started schools.

All of those new ideas stole a ton of energy. There was no time to be distracted when we were conquering. And those of us who did find time opened a good book and spent quality moments in a fantastical world we could only picture in our head.

Fast forward to the 20th-21st centuries. We *want* to believe there is life left to conquer, new territory to claim, new ideas to be harvested.

But do we really believe this is true?

I’m not so sure.

Back then, in those early days of civilization, though times were by no means easy, we understood our purpose and our roles.

There was a humility to living life that put us in the clay position and a higher power, no matter the kind one believed, in the potter’s place.

Over time, we looked around and saw that lands were divided by nation or by value, castles, whether small or large, stood proud, and ingenuity had been fully developed to the point of human extinction.

We now have less jobs for humans because of the technology that has replaced us. A shaky place to reside in this world.

Our land is being swallowed by this development or that subdivision. And older structures are being vacated and crumbling into disrepair.

Whole towns are ghostly now, as young people have moved on to bigger and better places, usually to discover that the bigger is suffocating and the better really isn’t better, after all.

Our young ones struggle to connect the learning they’re forced to pretend to accomplish in school with anything of tangible value in the real world.

The disconnect leads them to literally disconnect. They’d rather spend time mimicking dances on TikTok than reading Herodotus or Pride and Prejudice.

The adults aren’t faring much better. We carpool to cubicles and head home to loaf. A glass of wine and some Netflix finish off our nights. We wake up and repeat.

We throw our interests into any and everything that might entertain us, if only for a little bit. A sports game, an awards show, a juicy podcast, a terrible reality TV show.

Distract, distract, distract. It’s what we do.

I truly believe many of us are being woken up by the stirring of our discontented heart.

We know there’s something missing, something good out there that we just can’t quite reach.

I think we catch a glimpse of the good life through a perfectly filtered lens of an influencer’s Instagram. The world they’ve created is the world we want.

Or we find sprinkles of it in a calming coffee-session with a friend. Mocha lattes in hand, we’re ready to conquer the world.

An empowering sermon, an uplifting podcast.

We keep reaching, hoping that somehow, someday, there is going to be a force that takes hold of us and leads us to a better place.

I’m here to tell you, the force is us and the place is the present. At our disposal are tools and examples, a new day and a brand new life.

John Piper quote

If we take our eyes off of others for one second and stop to reflect on what it is we really want–what makes our eyes light up, our hearts sing and our feet dance–and we stop worrying what everyone else thinks about our desires, we can live a distraction-free life.

The key to success is not just consistency. We’d like to think we can always be consistent, but if you notice, people who are overly-consistent in their lives also tend to be incredibly obsessive. They make whatever they’re hyper-focused on an idol.

Consistency is good, but the key to true success is continuation.

It’s picking yourself up off the ground when you’ve had a bad day, a bad week, or even a bad year.

Humans ebb and flow. We live among thorns and flowers, we travel peaks and valleys.

Life isn’t always going to make us consistent. We aren’t always going to choose the right thing.

That’s okay.

We must pick ourselves up, dust our britches off, and carry on.

In choosing not to remain down, we force our eyes off of distraction and start walking the road to freedom once again.

And we always remember: it’s not the destination that counts.

It’s all about the journey.

What new things are you learning about the reasons for escaping and distracting? Are you guilty of it, too? What are your go-to methods for getting back on track? I’d love to hear from you.

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why are we all distracting so much
Three Ways Loving Others Is a Form of Self-Care

3 Ways that Loving Others Is a Form of Self-Care

Pain makes you selfish. I hate that it’s true, but it is.

When we experience trauma, we often become blind to the pain of others.

Being selfish is not intentional. It is an unconscious form of survival, a way for us to provide the self-care that others, such as our parents, should have provided.

I love my parents. But their own childhood trauma made the baggage they carried into adulthood impossible for them to ignore.

As a result, they couldn’t provide a stable, loving home for my brother and me after a certain point.

Their burdens had simply gotten too big to bear, and they went their separate ways, unintentionally creating mountains of new trauma for my brother and me.

Trauma cycles are like that. Left untreated, they continue on for generations.

Portrait of sad son bored or tired of parents fighting, frustrated little boy upset of mom dad shouting, preschool child looking at camera feeling  lack of attention, family arguments and kid concept
If you grew up in a home where there was always tension, you may not be aware that life doesn’t have to be that way. (Photo courtesy of adobestockphoto)

As I said in a previous post, I got pregnant and married very young, hoping to “fix” everything that was broken in me.

I thought that my husband and children could heal the shame, guilt and trauma by going here, being this and doing that.

But other people cannot heal you. You have to heal yourself.

You cannot make your parents be people they are incapable of being.

Your spouse can appear perfect on paper and they still won’t fix your broken past.

You can throw your children in every sport, activity and competition possible, but nothing they become, no prize they gain, will heal you.

When the love of our primary caregivers has gone haywire, it’s tempting to think we can replace that love with something or someone else.

But no amount of outside love–no food, alcohol, person or other distraction–will heal an inside wound.

However, the craziest thing happens when we take the focus away from the people who hurt us in the past and focus on the people we’ve been given in the present.

By loving others, giving time and care to the people that surround us, we begin to heal.

I’m not talking about a martyr-like form of self-sacrifice, where we lay down every hope, dream, want or desire we have for our own life.

I’m simply talking about loving, listening, parenting, and being married in a way that wasn’t reflected in our past.

This takes work. How can you be different if you never saw different?

The work starts with awareness. We must pinpoint the things in our past that hurt or traumatized us and refuse to repeat them with our own families or friendships.

We have to actively choose to form new habits in our lives that will fire off new pathways in our brains, thus ensuring those habits become ingrained.

As new habits and pathways are formed by loving others the way we needed to be loved, the confidence we gain grows strong because we realize we have all the tools we need to love ourselves.

women laughing because they love each other and are practicing self-care

I’m writing this post as I watch my three-year-old great-niece eat animal crackers and watch a movie on my couch.

Her baby brother is asleep in the playpen next to me.

No, I’m not that old; we just like to have children young and out of wedlock in my family.

It’s part of the cycle that has continued for more than four generations in my family.

Some would call it a curse. But as a Christian, I don’t believe that.

I believe that we simply haven’t learned from our mistakes. Up to this point, we have lacked awareness.

My pain caused much blindness. As a result, I couldn’t see the harm I was causing to myself, my spouse and my children.

But when I turned thirty-three and started to become more aware of the way our past affects our future, I began taking steps to heal my pain.

Now I practice loving others the way I wish I’d been loved and had seen love as a child.

Loving others has become a form of self-care.

I know my limitations. If I give too much of myself I become resentful and bitter.

Even so, I’ve learned the real secret of contentment is found in giving, not receiving. So for me, loving others has become the way I change my past.

Three ways that loving others is a form of self-care:

  1. When you love others, you are benefiting humanity as a whole.

Scientists have worked to prove that truly loving and accepting people regardless of gender, race or social class makes the world a happier place. When we are happy, we tend to find more success in our endeavors.

2. When you love others, you are benefiting the generations after you.

Setting a pattern of working through your own issues so that you can love your spouse and/or children shows them that you love yourself. Following your example will cause them to love who they are, too, and to believe they are important and worthy of love.

3. When you love others, you are benefiting yourself.

Scientific studies show that loving others creates psychological, physical and mental health benefits, including lower blood pressure, less depression, and better overall health.

When I decided to love my spouse and children the way I wanted to be loved, it changed my whole life, including my past.

And In changing my past, my hope is to change my family’s future.

In what ways, have you worked on giving yourself and those around you a different life than you had growing up? I’d love to hear from you.

when we love other people we are practicing self-care note